I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
