You're my little dorito
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
