He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
