He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
