Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Someone signed my nipple.
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