But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
