Your tits are I can't wait for
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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