come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
