i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
