My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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