Soap is not a condiment
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
