So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
