If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Bring me that man meat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
