he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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