Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
