the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
