Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
