we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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