Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
