We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
