I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
