So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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