Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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