I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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