my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize