someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
