i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
