Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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