I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
