My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
