Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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