i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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