Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we should paint friendship bongs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
