just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
