Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
