I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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