Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
