Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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