You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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