im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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