You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
