Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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