I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
