My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
