I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ugly people sure do ruin things
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
