Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
