I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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