It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
