My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
