So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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