Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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