My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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