i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
