he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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