I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
