she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
