I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
