The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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