I just pynch a tree in the face
she peed on how many people?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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