I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
