I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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