somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
