last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A bitchslap is in order.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize