drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
