it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
