K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
