Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
