you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize