The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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