so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
