I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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