For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
