All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other