It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
