On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
